A Prayer for Eternity
Oh, heavenly father, mother, sister, brother, all powerful, all knowing, 24/7/365 force of energy and nature who rises above and sees infinitely, hear me, oh lord, hear me. This mortal body is not enough. This mind is not enough. This moment is not enough. I want more. I want to live forever. And it is you who can make that possible. Through your divine love and extra special powers, only you can seal the deal that brokers life for eternity. May I have some, please?
I believe I deserve it. But how can I convince you? I told you I believe in you. And certainly, given your omniscience, you’ve heard of my reputation. It’s a good one. I’m a good man. You can ask any of my friends. They always back me up.
The key factor in my immortality, of course, is your grace. And you’ve got plenty of it. It is with a truly awesome generosity that you dole out the afterlife — the ultimate scratch and win, the wealth beyond wealth — to live for eternity. Thanks for that. Your magnanimouness is huge. So, could you find a way to give me some assurance that I qualify for eternity. A sign? A nod and a wink? I don’t want to spend my last minutes hooked up drolling to a respirator blowing bubbles out my nose without a guarantee that bliss is around the corner. What good would that do either of us?
I’m sure you know that I’m not alone pursuing the afterlife. There a lots of us. Because frankly, life is all we know and we don’t want ours to stop. That would mean we’re disposable. And as you know, being disposable sucks. Permanent rules. What we’re asking for is tenure on a higher plain. We want to exist forever in a celestial Barcalounger or Aeron chair eating bons bons or fresh peaches and feeling no pain. All, of course in your service. Halleluyeah.
Those who don’t believe in you, won’t get an afterlife. Those are the rules. And, if you don’t mind my saying, that’s quite a carrot you’re dangling. Not that I don’t believe in your integrity. I do. Really. Honest. But, seriously, if you ever wanted to bribe someone, living forever — as the bait — would get amazing results. Forget that. Let me put it this way. If I didn’t believe in your gift of life without death, why would I be asking YOU for IT. Right?
The way I figure is, there are two types of people. Those who believe in you and everlasting life or, as I like to call them, the winners. And those who don’t believe, the losers. I’m in the first group. Everlasting life just makes sense for winners like me. It’s the big payoff. That’s the way life works.
And so I invoke the holy spirit of the endless sky who shuttles the son of eternal life to the clouds of soft landings. May my perception not perish and my candles not be snuffed. I am your Ram tough unshakably faithful doubling down cracking the nut disciple. May I live a gazillion eons — an infinite infinity. For as you are the kingdom, the power and glory, may you also pour your blessings on me that my self-importance be fulfilled.
In the name of my God, my everything, my always and my forever and ever.
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